What is love: Connection (Part 2)
Jul 02, 2022
This is what happens when we show up in our kidsā lives with curiosity (I wonder why you did what you did so I can help you) and mindfulness (Iām all in right now, ready to move at your pace), and without judgement (youāre not just lazy, slow, forgetful, rude, disorganized etc.) and instant solutions (you shouldāve just done this or that, just do this or that).
Example: Your one child hits the other.
Judgement: Heās so aggressive. Heās got anger issues.
Connection: Heās really struggling these days, I wonder whatās going on. Let me investigate and offer help.
Action: You get down on bended knee and empathize, āYouāre really struggling right now, Iām here to help you.ā
At this time if any ābutsā come into your mind, put them on hold. This is called trust and none of this is going to work if thereās no trust. This is also whatās going to happen in a moment of possible connection. A lot of ābutsā will come into your mind and you just have to push through them all. Trust over fear is your new mantra.
Some other ways to connect:
1- Get involved in child-led play and activities with your kids. Lose your own agenda. Follow their lead, ask them questions "should I color this blue or yellow?" Enjoy the play... stop when you're not enjoying and find another time.
2- Take notice of what interests them and enter their world. Learn more about it. Especially for older children.
3- When they share something, be an active listener instead of offering immediate solutions and silver linings. You go to words can be "tell me more", "I'm listening..." "I see.. " "Acha..." "Hmmm..."