The Kids Who Need The Most Love Ask For It In The Most Unloving Ways.

#toddlerstruggles connection lens shift Jul 29, 2022

I can see how it appears that way to you.

As they say, "The kids who need the most love, ask for it in the hardest ways..."

I invite you to reflect on the following...

Wherever kids go, people judge them based on their behavior in the few minutes they observe them. We hear all kinds of comments.

“Wow he’s quite the angry young man!”

(Uff Kitnay ghussay Wala bacha hai!)

“She’s so ‘fiesty’.”

(“Haye kitni taiz bachi hai!”)

“He’s not a good listener.”

(“Bilkul baat nahi manta badtameez!”)

“She’s very stubborn.”

(“Bohat dheet hai ye!”)

Even babies aren’t spared from this judgement.

“He’s a very cranky baby!”

(“Kitna ziddi bacha hai!”)

"He's not very friendly.. he won't let me hold him."

("Friendly bilkul nahi hai na? Meray paas ata he nahi.")

The purpose here, as always, is not to turn up our nose at people and judge them. Most of us were once those people too probably... the point is to take note of something that's considered "normal" to do and realize that it doesn't make any sense to do it:)

And we see these behaviors from children because they’re so real all the time. They have no masks. They are who they are wherever they are. They wear their emotions on their sleeves and haven’t learnt emotional regulation yet.

We, on the other hand, have a 100 different faces, depending on who we’re with. Do you think that there are people you’ve known for years and they wouldn’t recognize you if they saw you in another, more real, moment? Would you be comfortable expressing strong emotions, for example, in front of your boss? Your neighbor? The salesmen at the store?

Well, kids ARE comfortable. They’re so comfortable in their skin. It hasn’t occurred to them yet that they should filter themselves, and their brain is not capable of comprehending this nuance. That’s THEIR normal. Just like it’s OUR normal to regulate ourselves in public.

Why do we make children and their parents feel judged for something that’s normal and developmentally appropriate?

I hope next time we see a child “acting out” in public, we’ll remember to give them grace. And understand that they’re just having a hard time. Just like we do, sometimes. We have the luxury of having our weak moments in the privacy of our safe spaces, they don’t. That’s the only difference. Otherwise, we, fully grown adults, can be JUST as ‘angry’, ‘feisty’, ‘cranky’ and ‘stubborn’! But that doesn’t define us, and it shouldn’t define our children.