The 'Don't Worry List'

lens shift Aug 08, 2022

It’s time for our #dontworrylist again 😉

We’ve been talking about what worries us about our kids. What would happen if we didn’t worry etc. and worry robs us of our ability to enjoy our kids.

Also, worrying takes up precious energy.

You want to be 100% sure that you’re worried about the right things so you’re not wasting energy because let’s face it.. do parents have extra energy to waste? NO! (We are not toddlers;))

So here’s a list of things to NOT worry:

1- Your kids showing aggression and screaming/yelling. It’s normal. All kids do it. Their emotional brains are overactive. If YOU model calmness and regulate YOUR emotions wisely, your kids will grow out of it once their brain develops more. (But if it’s all the time every time then look for answers at the bottom of this post;))

2- Your kids not listening. Kids are not programmed to be blindly obedient. They’re born to explore the world. That’s done by asking questions and questioning everything. Including you and your instructions. Do what needs to be done (physically help them put on clothes/shoes etc. if you have to). Don’t fixate on them “not listening” (baat kioon nahi mantay)

3- Kids not sharing. They’re biologically programmed to be self-centered. It’s a self-preservation thing. The caveman kid wouldn’t have survived if he shared his one hunted rabbit with his sibling or friend ha! Model sharing... keep modeling it.. and let it go.

4- Kids hitting/throwing things Etc. Again.. that’s how they express feelings. As long as YOU don’t do these things when YOU are upset.. they won’t become adults who do them. Once they calm down, talk about alternate ways to express emotions. Only TALK. Don’t lecture;)

5- Kids not doing homework. Homework is lame and useless. Many studies show it. Don’t even think about it. Gently remind and check in. Offer help when asked.

6- Grades. They don’t matter. Period.

7- Food. They will eat when they’re hungry. 100%. Also, when you stop fighting with them about it;)

8- Cleaning up after themselves. Most adults I know don’t even do it. Offer help. Be gracious and nice about it. Do it together. Make it fun. Model it. Ask for help. At the end of the day, don’t ruin your relationship over it.

9- Siblings fighting with each other. It’s normal. It started with Habeel and Qabeel (Cain and Abel) and is NOT about to end with your kids:) Interfere minimally. When you do, pretend you’re a cricket commentator.. just comment on what’s happening.. don’t take sides no matter how tempting. There are no victims or perpetrators here.. they’re BOTH kids!

10- Being a “good” Muslim/Christian etc. You know what I’m going to say here and it’s nowhere else THIS relevant. Modeling. Modeling. Modeling. DO whatever you want them to do. Make religion fun and interesting. Remove all force and coercion out of it. ALL of it.

Almost everything except the following list of things. Remind yourself that their brain is FAR from “ready”. They’re not miniature adults. They’re KIDS. They will outgrow almost everything as long as you take care of the following!

Things you SHOULD worry about:

1- Your connection with them.

2- Your connection with them

3- Your connection with them

4- Your connection with them

5- Your connection with them

You get the picture;)

The problem with worrying about those 10 things is that you’re wasting your energy AND hurting your relationship with them. Getting mad at them for stuff that doesn’t really matter in the long run. Your connection with your kids = your positive relationship = their success in life.

The simplest equation ever!:)

(For more on how to nurture connection: check out the Unit entitled What Is Respectful Parenting?)