Stepping in the Process of Change

advice/correction Aug 07, 2022

No matter what we're trying to accomplish... whether its becoming a respectful parent or become a better Muslim or be healthier or improve our marriage... we're going to have to do something we've never done before.

This might mean starting with naming our emotions every time we're dysregulated so we can begin to live in the moment and regulate said emotion, if we're wanting to help our children with emotional regulation.

This might mean enrolling in that Quran class we keep hearing about.

This might mean breaking the cycle of dieting and gaining weight and dieting, and starting small new healthier habits.

This might mean investing money in a relationship coach or marriage counseling.

Point being, if we're wanting new results, we will have to try something new. Doing the same old things results in the same old patterns. We all know this... and yet, we keep trying the same things over and over, expecting a different outcome... and getting frustrated because we're not moving forward.

Einstein called this kind of behavior, insanity for good reason.

But why is it so hard to do new things? Because unless its a road trip adventure in Europe or winning on Nelaam Ghar, new things suck.

They're scary and daunting and unfamiliar and so so so much less comfortable than our current state of misery.

I mean, you gotta admit, misery has comfort going for it... doesn't it? At least we know what to expect... there's a weird strangeness in the predictability of it.

And yet... when you're done, you're done. And that's when there is that choice... can I do something different now? Am I ready to embrace the discomfort? Am I ready to go head-first into change?

And if you're thinking.. "But I don't have time to make all these changes! I can't take on so much new stuff!"

That's not only understandable AND what if I were tell you, *you're not supposed to be good at everything at the same time? *

Giving ourselves permission to suck at a few things can free up so much headspace. After all, think about this way... how helpful has it been for you so far to beat yourself up about the things that aren't working for you? Has your self-shaming caused any actual permanent sustainable peace in your life? If it has then by all means, ignore this post and continue beating yourself up:)

However, if it hasn't helped and dare I suggest (and well, so does research) that being so hard on ourselves actually holds us back big time...AND takes up precious real estate in our brains... can you give yourself permission to relax a bit and work on whatever one or two things that are most important to you? And then it's like a ripple effect... you figure one thing out... you feel energized and motivated to tackle another one!

Back to becoming friends with the discomfort of whatever change you choose to create, yesterday I was talking to a client who was really struggling with an upcoming experience that's going to be very very uncomfortable for her. This is something she's purposefully chosen to change about her life. It had been giving her anxiety for days, but as we spoke yesterday and I helped her recall past moments where she had grown and metamorphosed into her current confident self... she smiled and said, "If it weren't for that painful discomfort... I wouldn't be my awesome self today."

I smiled too, "Did you just decide something in that moment?" I asked her.

"I did. I'm ready to jump into this discomfort... I can't wait to see how much more awesomeness comes into me from that dip!"

And there we have it, friends. Take that dip. It's the making of the new you. And what's more, your children are watching you. Show them that growth is painful but rewarding... show them by modeling... not lecturing. Chronicle your journey with them! Include them in your wild ride! And that is one way to make the discomfort just a little more comfortable! We got this!