Step 1- Where Do I Start Healing?

healing ourselves lens shift Aug 08, 2022


Bad News: No one is coming to save you.

Good News: You're all you need to save yourself.6

Research also shows that people who believe in a Higher Power do better in life, so in other words, your emaan (faith) is also going to help!

There are three steps to the healing process as I see it and as I've experienced it:

1- Realizing and owning our pain

2- Reflecting within to find where we need work on ourselves

3- Doing the actual work


1- Tell your story: Research shows that people who heal from their trauma (childhood or otherwise) are the ones who learn to tell their life story coherently.

2- Tell your story the right way: Own up to your feelings when you talk and don't try to justify others' actions. You don't owe anyone anything when you're telling YOUR story. It doesn't matter who you're talking about.. right now the focus is you, not them. Validate yourself and your experiences. Don't feel the need to make excuses for others.

3- Tell your story to the right person: Choose a trusted and safe person for this sharing. Therapists work too. Just not someone who's going to feel compelled to try and fix your pain. Let them know beforehand what your expectation is. Explain the concept and value of #validation to them. Writing an email to yourself is also helpful.

3- Welcome the feelings your story brings: You're going to have a lot of big emotions when you finally start telling your story without shame and guilt. It's important to sit in these emotions for a while because this is our final goodbye to our trauma. It deserves space and time.

4- Put your story to rest: This might seem the opposite of the first three points but if we did the first three steps right, we will be ready to move forward. Telling our story has a function to perform. Once its done, we can move on. If we start repeating the story all the time and to every other person, we run the risk of falling in old patterns and victim mentality.

Things happened that weren't in your control but now you have the ability to write the next chapter. You're not a victim anymore. You're a survivor. You're not weak. You're enough to set things straight and live life on your terms.

NEXT: Reflecting within to find where we need work on ourselves. What practical steps can we take to make a change?