Nuturing Our Child's Strength.

lens shift Aug 07, 2022

Have you noticed that most of us hate electronics for our kids but can't survive without them ourselves?

This was a sort of revelation to me one day- as obvious as it seems right now to say.

But it feels so so hard when all our older kids wanna talk about is their video games or you tube videos ABOUT video games.

It's their world though, isn't it?

Part of loving someone is loving their world.

I don't usually work with kids but I've had a few older kids as clients and when I ask them what they'd want from their parents, their number one answer is always, "Do the things with me that I like doing... like my video games." And isn't that what we often dislike the most?

In my experience, it doesn't take much. Here are some things you can try:

🌷Watch your child play video games for 5-10 minutes daily. It's not hard and makes them feel seen.

🌷Ask them a question about what you observed. You have no agenda except wanting to connect with your child.

🌷Follow up with them on something they said they're trying to accomplish in the game. "So did you end up finding those gems?"

🌷Offer to make their video playing- don't ask me why kids like this.

🌷Consider letting them teach you how to play.

Growing up, my dad always told me it doesn’t matter what you do- what matters is that you do it with a passion. There’s always place for anything in the world as long as it’s done full force. And today, I find that to be so true.

Back when the twins used to go to school, they had a bus driver named Lisa. This lady drove the school bus like it was a flying horse. In the sense that she was so filled with joy every day. She always looked amazingly put together and with a HUGE smile on her face.

When the bus pulled over to drop the boys off, I looked forward to seeing Lisa and her big smile. She also had something sweet to share about the boys from the ride they just had.

And the boys just adored her and still remember her sometimes though we’ll probably never see her again. It makes me a little sad sometimes to realize that. Can you imagine? A bus driver can do her job so passionately that she makes a difference in our lives!

If I could give you one advice on child-rearing, it would be this: Let go of what you want your child to be good at- pay attention to what she/he/they are already good at and nurture that.

The key is to not focus on what they’re *not* good at and LET IT GO. Research also tells us that focusing on strengths (our own and our kids’) bears wonderful results. Don’t worry about strengthening the “weaknesses”... everyone can’t be good at everything.

Trust their process. Let it go and see if you can reframe their “weaknesses” altogether. And then see what amazing things your child will do when they’re viewed as already whole and perfect. 💗

🌷Keep your opinions about their electronic use to yourself. Work on solutions, yes but no need to constantly deliver lectures. (Look for Win/win problem solving in the Units).

And when you're done listening about their video game, whatever your threshold is, just say so, "I love hearing about your games.. and can we talk about something else now?"

A little goes a long way when we're trying to connect with our kids. They might not act like it but they crave our positive attention just as much as that needy toddler:)

(If you're a parent of a younger child- you can use the same techniques to encourage independent play in children when they're playing with toys etc.)

Disclaimer: Kids ages 2 and less should have no use of electronics at all. Kids aged 6 and less should ideally not be playing proper video games (that require a laptop).