Boundary setting mindshift

boundary setting lens shift Jul 29, 2022

Go from “saying” to “doing”

If we’re saying the same thing many times and the child is not listening that means it’s silly to keep saying the same thing and expect different results. We as adults, can make a different choice instead of expecting children to make that different choice.

Example: “Go brush your teeth.”

No reaction.

“Beta.. it’s time to brush teeth.. looks like you need some help.. I’m going to take you to the bathroom.”

If it’s a teen or preteen, you can playfully drag them to the bathroom. Pretend they’re even more heavy than they are. Breathe heavily with exaggeration. Add some humor. Don’t make it a battle. It’s not worth it 💗

Go from “won’t” to “can’t”

Think of all the times in your life when you could technically do something but struggled so much to actually do it. How lovely it is when someone steps in at that moment and says, “don’t worry! I’ll take care of it!” Kids need this kind of graciousness too. We can model it so they give it to us too 💗

Go from “no” to “not right now”

Even if you must say no to something, put a time stamp on it. “I’d love to play with you after I’m done with the dishes.”

Go from “don’t” to “do”

Kids mostly hear the “action” words so if we say “don’t scream”, they hear “scream”. So making our request “positive” or actionable is more helpful.

Example: “You can whisper or talk in this tone.”

“You can write on the paper.” (Instead of “don’t write on the walls”)

Go from regretting to preventing:

Instead of being mad and upset that our children didn’t do as we expected, we can set them up for success. There is no need to test their immature brain development where their impulse control is weak.

Example: “omg I told you to turn the ipad off after an hour!”

Preventive: Have an app on the iPad that automatically locks the iPad after an hour (and the children should know about it)

Example 2: “omg your stupid rock made me trip! I told you to keep them in your room!”

Preventive: “Sorry love, rocks stay outside only. Yes I get you really want to bring them inside! You’re allowed to be upset about it... I’m here for your feelings.”


P.S. This is only one of many posts about boundaries in this group. There are more in the Units and topics:)